a piece or peace?

here is a piece of an email i wrote my husband today. i think i discovered what i have been doing wrong. its time to find some peace in my life and im gonna try harder to do that.

izzy is over here having breakfast. i made them pancakes, im such a nice mom arent i. i have been getting better with the kids. i still get irritated but i try to control it. i think i had feelings of resentment towards them. im not sure why but i think it has something to do with me not getting to sleep in everyday. stupid huh? i know im crazy. did i tell you that the other day i actually thought about not having anymore kids. HAHA that was until i held laura a few hours later. i miss feeling a baby in my arms and i miss being needed. i know the kids need me but i think it is a different feeling. i had no problem getting up in hte middle of the night to feed liz and i actually got up the next morning with energy. i dont understand why. maybe you could think about and explain it to me. i just thought of something. i think i am controlling. when they are little i am able to control them in a certain way and i can handle them better. i just dont think i know how to handle older kids. maybe its because when i was around my neices and nephews they were all younger. i was around them much as they were growing up. i just need to learn how to deal with older ones. i need to be more involved with them, have fun with them. hmmm maybe i just solved my own problem.