lizzy and the toilet

so i flush public toilets with my foot. and the other day while at a school play for my son my youngest had to go to the bathroom and she wanted to flush by herself. apparently she has seen me flush one too many times

just wanted to tell you all that shirley hasnt peed in her pullup in three nights. she is so proud of herself as she should be. if she keeps it up maybe she wont have to wear them anymore.

now on to getting her to read! that is going to be rough on me. i get so easily frustrated with her. im sure it isnt her fault because her teacher says she is behind. shirley is going to repeat kindergarten. and her teacher now says that if there isnt great improvement by october then we should get her tested. i wish we could get it done now but i think it is too soon.

i am not so worried about her repeating kindergarten because she was born early. im not sure how early. she was born nov. 4, and if i believe amanda then she was born 6-8 weeks early. if that is the case then that would put her birthday anywhere from the middle of december to the begining of jan. so she would have missed the cut off date for school if she was born at the right time and would be starting next year anyway. sooo i hope it all works out.

so i finally gave in. i went shopping at walmart today. i only bought what i needed...well sort of. i went in there for pullups. and came out with: i bought 2 pairs of jammas for liz. they were on clearance for $5 each. (not bad for carters brand..well carters for walmart) i also bought the girls each an outfit. i bought mike two shirts. one has a picture of a game controller and says "hand over the controler and nobody gets hurt" or something like that. the other one says "this is what perfect looks like". hes gonna love them. my kids are really greatful when someone buys them something. they will say over and over "thank you mommy" "i love this". they are really good kids. then i bought myself 3 new t-shirts. one is eeyore, one is tinkerbell (cant leave walmart with out buying a tinkerbell shirt!), and the other is gray and says navy going down one side of it and has the mascot of the navy football team (a ram).

i went in with 115 and spent only 75. a crap i forgot to get plastic spoons. crap i always do that. i am in the store and i cant remember what i need. the bad thing is i was trying to write a list last night and i could not remember what i needed. there was just one thing i couldnt remember and it turns out being plastic spoons. so i am going to have to back to a store. maybe i will just buy some at the nex minimart. ahh that could spell trouble though.

shopping

for some reason i have this intense urge to go out and go shopping. maybe its because i have been on the computer since i dropped the kids off at school. maybe its because there is $140 in cash sitting next to me. or the fact that the check i bounced on the 30th of may has not gone back through and nobody really knows where it is so there is $185 sitting in the bank waiting to go to its new home and i need a carpet cleaner. maybe its just cuz i miss my husband and i am trying to compensate for the hole in my heart.

on the 13th i started taking wellbutrin. (for depression) as most of you might know i have stuggled with depression and anxeity most of my life. im not sure why, it sure isnt because i had a terrible living situation and my family was awful. there really is no reason except my brain is all screwed up. so anyway, i started taking this stuff last week and it has helped. i was on paxil for a long time and then i switched to prozac. coming off of paxil is hell! but that is for another day. arrgghh i keep getting off track, that happens alot for me. so im not sure if this stuff that i am on now is working very well. i feel better most of the time. but there are times when i want to cry over the littlest things. im not expecting medicine to make me feel better 100% of the time but to look at your sisters baby register and want to cry because i feel like i will never be able to do that is very hard. i hate feeling like a weak person. (see im almost gonna cry now). i want to be strong but i just dont know how to do it.

i want to be strong enough to not go out and spend money and run up our debt. i want to be able to take my kids to church and teach them right from wrong. i want to go out into the world and do things that i have never done before. i want to be able to stand up for myself and my family and not run away and hide. i want my husband and kids to be proud of me. i know are proud of me now (maybe not so much the husband cuz i never know how he feels...he doesnt show his emotions).

iahh i am getting tired and i need to post some pictures of michaels play so heather will leave me alone.lol

i usually do a budget type thing on quicken for the next payday. i did it for the 1st, i will be paying off a $300 credit card with a shocking 30% interest rate (yep you read right) and with that we have about and we are paying my dad back $100 and then $30 in donations (we should be donating more but....). after that we have about 990 left depending on how much my husband gets for pay. i have put in that he is getting paid 1300 but usually we get closer to 1500. he just got a raise because he advanced (wahoo) so it will hopefully be more because of back pay for the month of june. i would like to pay off his $500 dollar card but we ran into a problem plus we have a pre-existing one. i found a 'tear' on our frint driverside tire. i think it is due to alot of wear. the pre-existing problem is that our alignment is WAY off, and it keeps getting worse. so i am going to get that stuff done before paying on his credit card. hopefully it lasts until the first but i might just take it in before then and put it on our firestone card and then pay that off on the 1st.

i just hope i pay it off, i have a tendency to just pay the minimum on the card i charge up and then send the cash. that is what got us here in the first place. we have alot of money coming in each month. my husband is a first class in the navy so we get about $1500 take home pay every two weeks and then on the first of the month we get about $1400 adoption money. so that is about 4400 dollars a month. you say might be saying "how can you be in debt with so much money coming in". i blame it all on my parents..well ok not really. but i learned all my spending habits from them. they would go out and buy the best things but they were inpatient so they wouldnt save the money but would put it on the card. sometimes after a while that item would sit unused. but having 5 kids most of it got used.

my husband and i are very spontaneous when it comes buying things, such as a truck, a big screen tv, a motorcycle. for some reason we cant save our money. and i tend to buy things we dont need, little stuff like movies, stupid stuff for the house, mainly things that i think we need (but of course we dont) or i think i am going to use but dont. so my goal with this blog is to work out my problems with spending. when i have an urge to run out and buy the latest 'in' thing i will try to come and write here and maybe it will help with the urges. maybe i can get to the root of my spending problems. i am also hoping that it will help me keep track of paying off our debt and be a reminder of how far we have come and how far we need to go.