just the family

its been so long

2010-03-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

so i tried holding out on writing until it had been a year from my last post and i was going to take a picture of abby and compare it to how much she has grown. but you all have seen her so it doesnt really matter. i will still try and do it though. if i can remember.

so rick and i bought that acai berry cleanser and some fat burning one too. we bought two boxes so that we could do it at the same time. his is mainly because he has prt soon (but he is one of the ones in charge of that so he will pass it anyway) i am just taking it to see if it really works. i took it last night and then this morning and again tonight. wow three times in a row with out forgetting. IM AMAZED. haha i get so forgetful about stuff like that.

so i weighed my self last night and i weighed 180. bleck. but the good news is that it is still 10 pounds less then what i weighed 6 months before we left california. my constant weight was 190. rick went out to sea for his last 6 month deployment (but it was only 3 since he was transfering before the boat got back). i lost around 20 pounds (i wonder if that is why i got pregnant?) came up to washington, found out i was pregnant, lost 5-10 more pounds (morning sickness sucks!) and then was 220 the day before i had abby. i felt so huge! i have NEVER been above 190. i know i had a large baby in me but still.

so i hope i can continue to update you on this little journey of mine. i should be excersizing also...but i cant see that happening. i did do the wii fitness plus on day. i did the candle thing and lasted the entire mintue and a half (approx.) if you dont know what it is, its a meditation type thing where you sit on the board and stare at a candle until you move or it goes out. i think rick lasted around 30-36 seconds (huh i wonder were abby gets her 'cantsitstilledness'...hahaha)

signing off for now.

p.s. sorry beth for not putting proper capitalization and proper sentences on here.

a day at the park

2009-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

lizzy had her last day of school at evergreen state park. i tried to upload some pics of lizzybut for some reason they wouldnt let me do it. I will try and post later.

*side note* waste mangement is RETARED!!!! some how we had two accounts opened in november. we got that straightened out in december but they forgot to move our yard waste service to the open account. well two weeks ago they picked up our full container, this week they did not! there was a pink slip in our still full container saying we didnt have an account. I immediately called customer service and told them what was going on. they so kindly set up the service on my open account but 'unfortunatley they are unable to start service on the same day'. so they arent picking up my SUPER FULL container until june 4th!!

awake and feeling great!

2009-05-17T06:43:00.000-07:00

I am up with the sun, as my baby demands every morning. Since she didnt sleep very well yesterday after being at moms house and then going to the babysitter (where she had too much funplaying with Katy, Maddie, and Roxy) she fell back asleep after 10 minutes of playing. I was awake laying in bed listening for her cry and was hoping she would fall back asleep so i could also.

But I couldn't go back to sleep, maybe it was because I knew is was going to be a super beautiful day out, or maybe it was because we are hopefully getting rid of the couch in our garage today (we got rid of a tv from our closet yesterday, we gave it to the above mentioned babysitter). Getting rid of the BIG clutter in our house makes me feel a little lighter in the heart. It is less for me to worry about and more space for us to put new clutter in...HAHA just kidding. I feel like wanting to get rid of more things when i let go of one big thing.

Now if only I could get Rick to help me, or not argue with me about stuff. He thinks I only get rid of his stuff. I guess I do get rid of his stuff. But when it lays in the garage for a year and isnt touched then why not. I used to be that way and for the most part I still am. I think we might need it someday. Lizzy has this really nice thing ( I cant remember what it is now) and Heather (i think) said why dont you keep it for Abby. I thought about it and said I am NOT going to keep that in my garage for 5 years.

I would forget it was even there! I have a tendancy to forget about what I have if I cant see it everyday. It is hard having a shelf full of food out in the garage becuase I forget to look there when I am planning dinner. I looked in the super back of my retarded cupboard and found a box of strawberry milkshake oreos for when we first moved in. I thought the kids would love them but they fell into the hole that is my cupboard, the hole was made by bad planning on the part of the people who built my kitchen. My badly planned out kitchen is going to be a future post!

I think I hear the baby stirring so I should get up and get a few things done before I get her out of bed for breakfast.

abby is now getting into stuff

2009-05-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

sorry this is so long but i was hoping she would do what she did before. she does do it but it is near the end. it is almost 5 montues long but enjoy her playing and then you will see what i am talking about!

new fridge

2009-05-10T11:01:00.001-07:00

So what happens when your freeze melts in the middle of the night...you get a new one! It took me an hour to pick one out! rick and lizzy had to go out into the mall to get some lunch while i was still trying to decide. we tried to get a loan to get a new one but when we applied through our bank they told us to call back in 24-48 hours. we couldnt go that long with out a fridge. i asked my mom if they had any money on their sears card and luckily they did (thanks mom and dad)! so we paid with that and got not payments and no interest for a year, so hopefully we can get that paid off before the year is up. we are lucky we got that because if we had gotten the loan then we would be paying interest also.

It is a little fancier then i wanted but it has an ice dispenser (which we need

http://thehardwickfamily.blogspot.com/2009/05/this-is-so-not-normal.html because of rick).

sorry it is dark. i guess the flash didnt go off. the six holes on the left are for soda.

the freezer has 4 compartments. which is nice cuz now i dont have to dig through the whole freezer to find the last bag of frozen corn ( or the last tub of ice cream lol). all i have to do now is replace all the food we lost in the great freezer melt down (which wasnt all that much).

random pictures

2009-05-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

this is the bruise that was left from ricks sprained ankle.

this is what happens when daddy feeds abby. she ends up doing it herself...lol...for some reason she will not eat when he feeds her. he gets frustated and i end up doing it.

here shirley is entertaining abby.

this it the tooth shirley lost at school.

2009-05-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

Abby had her first crackers. She loves them and they make a great mess!

Isnt she super cute!

Look at those eyes!

for the rugby fest the guys dressed up as banditos on saturday night. here ricks 'dress rehersal'..lol unfortunatley i forgot my camera when we went to montana. One team dressed up as wrestlers from the 80's. they were awesome. I told Rick that they needed to decide sooner what they wanted to do ( they decided two days before we left what they were dressing up as...i am surprised we found everything we need..they also dressed up as pirates on friday).

this is so not normal

2009-05-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

rick landed on the side of his ankle while playing basketball. he said when he landed he heard a crunch. so i am litterally dragging him to the er today (they didnt have any appts open for today)...i might not have made a big deal about it but he then played on it for another hour or two! sheesh!

her first fit (4/29)

2009-04-29T09:57:00.001-07:00

Lizzy had ritz crackers for snack today so i thought i would see how Abby did with them. She ate it pretty good, she had a few little peices left over. She turned around (she is in her jumperoo) and saw Lizzy eating a cracker. She FREAKED out! She started jumping up and down crying and screaming. Even when I held another on of the leftover peices in front of her. She finally noticed it and then devoured it.

bath time for abby

2009-04-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

Rick decided to give Abby her bath downstairs on the counter yesterday. Let me tell you...i made sure to remove everything from it. I knew it was going to get soaked. She loves to splash.

For comparison she was about 3 weeks old in the picture on the bottom and she will be 6 months on friday.

meet the newest member of our family

2009-04-27T16:42:00.001-07:00

our new car!!! i didnt really like driving it at first but the more i drive it the more i like it! unfortunately once it get base stickers he will be driving it everyday. all of us dont fit in it so maybe will we get rid of one kid...lol

Poor Girl Scout!

2009-04-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to Rick on the phone this afternoon and he told me not to look in the freezer. I of course was suspicous. I asked him what he did. He goes on to say he beat up a girl scout and stole her cookies. I then asked how many boxes were in the freezer and he goes "around 20-ish". My IMMEDIATE response was 'how much did that cost us. He told me 'nothing...i told you i beat up a girl scout'.

I made sure to get the loaf of bread so you could compare the size of the bag to it.

***edited to add---there are 13 boxes in the bag

fight night and dereks birthday

2009-04-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Dereks birthday on fight night. He blushed when we brought him out a cake and sang Happy Birthday.

Rhodie had a good time with Angus.

Rhodie and Brad zoncked (sp?) out!

Rhodie and Toby had fun playing together.

cute pics of abs

2009-04-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

she loves yona!

and yona loves her

her new face

i have a similar picture of liz with his blue work hat...i will try to find it.

first time sitting up all by her self...it lasted for a few seconds

first time eating baby toast...she loved it.

did someone put something in this toast?

first time outside....what a nice sunny day!

all g'd up in pink

she fell asleep in the jumper...i have

random pictures

2009-04-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture from easter. Rick has a thing with putting the kids against the wall to take pictures. This isnt the best picture of them though.

This one is better. Abby started pulling on lizzys hair towards the end....and so it begins!

Yona has a thing with licking Abbys hands. And of course Abby loves it! She laughs everytime.

Rick took the girls with him to a rugby game. He went with a girl from work who so generously watches the girls. Abby was inside cuz it was to cold for her out there. I was spending all day with my sisters and mom and some friends for heathers birthday. we were scrapbooking...well they were i mostly did what i normally do...sit and watched them and ate junk food.

I have no clue what this one is.

father daughter tea.

2009-04-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Here is rick getting ready...he is sucking in a little

here is shirley all dolled up

and here they are before they left...shirley is growing up so fast...oh lord soon I will have to be buying her a training bra...haha i told rick that was his job...he didnt think that was so funny.

abbys new clothes

2009-04-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

so 2 of these outfits have ruffles on the butt. i didnt even notice them when i got them...i know those are your favorite heather!

WILL SHE EVER DIE!!!!!!

2009-03-17T19:20:00.001-07:00

Most of you know my dog Yona (here she is in a cute little sun hat).

She can play soccer....

she can even open (and eat!) chocolates....

but did you know that she is indestructable! Her newest adventure was eating medicine. I came home to find my birth control pills (she must not want to get pregnant) on the stairs (her favorite place to chew stuff up. Luckly she wasnt able to get into them. But when Rick came home he said that she ate his box of dayquil !

I am convinced she is never going to die. God must have something in store for her.

vote for abby and wyatt

2009-03-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

Go to http://babyidol.movin925.com/ and sign up. Once you have signed up then go to http://babyidol.movin925.com/photos/view/4087/ and vote for Abby! you can vote up to 10 times a day.

Please also vote for my cute little nephew wyatt at http://babyidol.movin925.com/photos/view/4215/

we only have til friday to get to the next round...vote as many time as you can

2009-03-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

when i see something i like i always have to have it. then a few days..weeks...months later i find something i like even better. but i have already bought the first thing so in my old ways i would just buy the second thing also ( which is how i ended up with three or four vacuums!). i have to keep telling my self i am fine with the one i have. oh but it is so hard!

baby idol

2009-03-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

so i entered abby in the baby idol contest on movin 92.5. i dont think i picked the best photo but tomorrow is the last day. so go to http://babyidol.movin925.com/gallery.html and look in the a section. find abigail h and vote for her! you might need to sign up. but please vote for her. i think voting starts march 16th. repost this on your blogs! lets see how many votes she can get.

2009-03-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

I was reading Rebeccas post (http://rdgarner.blogspot.com/2009/02/not-at-peaceful-place.html) and this was my comment to her. I have been feeling this way for awhile. I hope everyone understands it...it kind of sounds weird to me.

I have been feeling the same way sort of. I dont see any progress in my life (other then my kids getting bigger). I clean up, it gets dirty again...I cook, they eat it....I fold the laundry, they wear it.

I was telling Heather or my husband ( i dont remember who i tell things to anymore) the other week that I could see alot of progress of the Ollala thing they are building. Just a month had gone by since I had seen it last and you can actually see what they want it to look like.
For those who build things such as bridges and road and buildings must feel great acomplishment. Being able to see the progress is something you do is awesome! It really makes me want to go do something like that, something I can see the progress in.

random pictures

2009-03-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

Michael earned his bobcat badge last week. He is half way to earning bear badge thanks to Miss Phressy, she so generously brings him every week.

this is him celebrating.

I walked into the bathroom to wash lizzys hair and this is what i found. i love how she can stay in there for hours.

when i came home from dropping the girls off at church and the store, this is what i saw. I love how he loves her so much!

My very 'slim'(he is now down to 250 which means he is within standards of the navy) husband was invited to play in the all star game for his basketball league. the top player from each team was invited...so that means he is #1. his team won this game even though he said he only played for about 10 minutes.

If you notice the date on the basketball picture and the pictures of Mike, they are on the same night at around the same time. Let's just say I did alot of driving that night.

the view outside my window....

2009-02-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

while standing on my bed and chair.

Yep...thats a mountain view! I just now realized after a year of living in this house that we have a beautiful mountain view. although barely visable through the tree...lol

sorry about the darkness...its the screen..but look...it snowed last night. Not very much but enough to delay school by two hours.

Lizzy in all her glory!

2009-02-24T08:20:00.000-08:00

Lizzy got her pictures done in preschool a couple of weeks ago and when i went in to pick her up they were in. Liz and Mrs. Campbell were actually standing at the door as I walked in. Mrs Campbell said the photographer said she was very photogenic.

I think this one is my favorite. It shows her playfulness.

In this picture you can see where i bashed her in the head with a door at red robin. I was leaning on it while she was in there and she tried to open it and i didnt know. The door lock was at the perfect height with her eyebrow. Im glad it didnt swell up!

She is just so dang cute!

jumperoo and bouncy chair

2009-02-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

abby tried out her new jumperoo today. i think she will be spending alot of time in there.

she didnt like the bouncy chair as much though. she kept trying to get the bird in her mouth. she was actually sitting forward to get it.

lizzys field trip

2009-02-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

today liz and i went on a field trip with her school to the bremerton fire department. we had lots of fun.

she is such a poser! lol

in the ambulance

those coats are heavy!

tour of the fire engine

she said she wants to be a firefighter when she grows up.

their tv room

randoms

2009-02-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

abby fell asleep while chewing on her fingers. she is constantly chewing on them! maybe she will pop out a tooth some day.

she is holding her bottle in this picture. she has been doing this on and off since she was about 4 days old

here she is just being cute..she looks a little mad..dont worry that wetness all over rick isnt her drool (which she does alot of lately)..its his sweat from running or basketball.

this is a yummy salad that rick made me the other day...it was soooo good! i love the salads he makes me!

cuteness!!

2009-01-30T11:16:00.001-08:00

These are new shoes I got abby. I just thought some of her outfits needed a little extra something. Once she is standing more then I will get the more flexible ones they say are better for their feet.

This is how I found her this morning. I guess she thought it was to bright in her room or something.

And this one was at naptime....a whole 30 minutes (or so) after the first one. I had put the monitor closer to her so I could hear her breath since she was on her stomach. When its in it's origianl postition all I hear is the sound machine. When I first saw her more of her hand was on it but after I got the camera she moved a little.

Oh and she is 13 weeks today.

getting rid of clothes

2009-01-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

so lately i have had the need to get rid of stuff. well mike came in and told me he could fit any more stuff in his drawer so i decided to go through it. He had 39 shirts in his drawer! Ididnt know my son was a clothes horder (sp?). Ok like heather just said..he isnt the one that buys them..its me.

So here are his before and after pictures. We got rid of 25!

Now here is the pile from my room. Some of was the girls (not abbys though cuz im saving those incase bethy-bear has a girl!) some was ricks white t-shirts from work. we bought new ones and got rid of the dingys!

Here are the papers i went through. these are all to be shredded! or burned.these came from on of those portable filing cases (that was broken anyway). the only things left from that are our taxes and pictures.

12 weeks today!!

2009-01-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

Today my baby turned 12 weeks! I cannot believe how much she has changed my life. I never knew how it felt to create another life with the person you love.

Today we decided to try and feed her cereal. They say that there are a few signs to when she is ready: sits with support, can move tongue back and forth, controls her neck muscles, and indicate when she is full. she can do all of that so i thought it was time to try some food. (plus i couldnt wait to buy the cute little bowls and spoons!)She did so good!

I hope this video works, it is my first time adding a video.

Old family photo

2009-01-17T15:57:00.000-08:00

I found this picture in a box that my slave driver (heather) made me go through. I believe it was taken in 2003 because we didnt have liz yet and she was born december of 03. We only got an 8x10 of this shot...well of any shot, because the camera and lighting werent syncing or something like that so they could take a proper photo (you can see a shadow on my face). I think Rick and Mike look super cute! And Shirley too. I cant believe how little Shirley looks. For some reason Michael always looks the same to me, although he was really small in this picture.

This is also the last family photo we had done. Now that Abby has come along i think its time for a new one! I knew I waited to have one done for a reason.

2009-01-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

MONDAYS TO-DO LIST

-wash and fold all bedsheets
-make beds
-safeway for wic
-take plastic bags to safeway

SUNDAY TO-DO LIST

2009-01-03T22:22:00.000-08:00

-Dishes
-Empty garbage
-laundry (goal is 2 loads)
-vacuum downstairs
-go through baskets in closet
-put clothes to give to goodwill in a box
-put abbys clothes that are to small in a bin

All of this plus feed, burp, change, and entertain a baby, three kids and a husband so we will see how much actually gets done. Not that the baby, kids, and hubby have to do with it not getting done...thats my pure lazyness that gets in the way....lol!

yes thats right!!!

2008-12-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day! I just made white chicken chili. rick was so surprised i was actually making something new that he brought abby in to check out what i was doing. he told her that this doesnt happen very often so look now. The chili turned out really good! Rick ate it with out hot sauce..which is almost unheard of...and even the kids ate it. Shirley had two helpings of it, Michael didnt like it at first but decided he did and asked for another bowl. But we all knew Lizzy wouldnt like it but she ate most of her bowl. I didnt even put a whole ladel full of it in their bowl. I really liked it. It is not spicy. I didn't even get to have a second bowl. so maybe next time i will make double. I

t was fast and easy. Instead of cooking the chicken breast whole I cut them up and cooked it that way and followed the rest of the recipe.

Go check out the recipe in the link above...go ahead....do it!

misc. pictures

2008-12-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

lizzy was not in these photos because she was cold and crying. so i put the picture of her with her socks on her hands. she couldnt find her gloves so she asked if she could use socks.

abyy is sitting up all by herself...well with the support of the couch pillows. she ended up flopped over and i had to 'gently' tell rick not to put her up like that if he wasnt gonna watch her.

abby loves her daddy.

this is the sweater and booties that my mom made for abigail. about an hour after we put these on her she spit up on them. so i had to wash them. my mom really should have measured her huge feet because the booties no longer fit.

2008-03-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

This is us going in our new house for the first time! The other car was removed about 5 days later.

Here are the kids at our new table.

The fence doesnt really look like that. I must have moved the camera when I was doing the panoramic shot.

I know there aren't alot of pictures. I will take some more soon. but remember, soon for me is about 6 months! lol

knotts berry farm

2008-02-06T12:47:00.000-08:00

My mom....

2007-12-19T20:58:00.000-08:00

has to be the greatest mom ever!! she raised 5 girls...none of whom has turned out with a criminal record i might add. she did so mostly on her own as my dad was in the navy. she was also a working mother. she always took in our friends as one of her own and took care of them when needed it.

so....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

missing my husband

2007-12-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

to my husband

it has been about 18 days since i have gotten an email from you, and before that 12. it has been 30 days since i last talked to you on the phone. it has been 81 days since i saw your face and kissed your sweet lips.

every morning i rush anxiously to the computer and check my email. is there one from you? and of course theres not, but i say 'maybe later in the day'. all through out the day i check it, no new emails it says. i think to myself 'maybe later'. later at night as i am sitting by myself because the kids are all tucked into bed i wish to hear from you, but of course there is nothing. but even though i dont get an email from you i know i am one day closer to hearing from you and one day closer to seeing you.

i miss you so much but i am so proud of what you do. i know its hard being underwater and having no contact with your family for sometimes weeks at a time. i cant imagine the thoughts that go through your head. just know that your family loves you very much and we are so proud of you!

love your wife

things accomplished today!!!!

2007-11-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

i have gotten alot done today.

i swept the entry hall and steam mopped it (i bought the shark steam mop yesterday ). it did a pretty good job on a floor that hasnt been mopped in a LONG time.

this is a picture of the mop pad after i mop just one floor. ummm, maybe i should mop more often

you know how some people dont like folding laundry or vaccuming but i love doing those things...i dont even mind washing dishes (except emptying the dish drainer or dishwasher). but i really do NOT like mopping floors, dont ask me why i just dont like doing it. but i dont mind sweeping either. i guess i am just weird that way.

I also washed 3 loads of laundry and foaled 2. transfered about 200 pictures from my camera to my computer. and i set up the kids computer in the back room, now they can play and not ruin my computer!

All of that before noon!!! Go me!

2007-10-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

the other side of the table

that is the china

that is the garage in june 06

2007-10-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

well for some reason i lost my first picture on the last post and it wont let me upload anymore so i will try again later

2007-10-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

So this was my garage on 17 June 2006 after amanda had left all her stuff in the front half of it. After a couple months of putting it off and then a couple of months going through it I had only a few boxes left. Most of them were china, some were vases and candle holders. That is some of what I had left. There was a set of really pretty china also. After 3 weeks on craigslist I didnt sell the china so I finally just got rid of everything. Chuy took some of the blue stuff (he likes the cobalt blue stuff) for his new place (he is moving out this week after 2 and 1/2 years of living with us). He also took the china, I'm assuming he is going to give them to his mom or his sister-in-law. It is a 6 person place setting with some extras incase they break. I will try to up load a picture when I am done writing this as it wouldn't let me do it earlier. The rest of the stuff I just packed into boxes and took to Goodwill with all the old stuff I had laying around in the garage. The reason I did it all today is because I needed to get all the stuff out of the garage so Chuy could get his stuff out and I got tired of it being in my way.

So that is what I did today.

2007-10-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

like father like son!!!

2007-10-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

october 31st 2006

october 12th 2007

a piece or peace?

2007-10-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

here is a piece of an email i wrote my husband today. i think i discovered what i have been doing wrong. its time to find some peace in my life and im gonna try harder to do that.

izzy is over here having breakfast. i made them pancakes, im such a nice mom arent i. i have been getting better with the kids. i still get irritated but i try to control it. i think i had feelings of resentment towards them. im not sure why but i think it has something to do with me not getting to sleep in everyday. stupid huh? i know im crazy. did i tell you that the other day i actually thought about not having anymore kids. HAHA that was until i held laura a few hours later. i miss feeling a baby in my arms and i miss being needed. i know the kids need me but i think it is a different feeling. i had no problem getting up in hte middle of the night to feed liz and i actually got up the next morning with energy. i dont understand why. maybe you could think about and explain it to me. i just thought of something. i think i am controlling. when they are little i am able to control them in a certain way and i can handle them better. i just dont think i know how to handle older kids. maybe its because when i was around my neices and nephews they were all younger. i was around them much as they were growing up. i just need to learn how to deal with older ones. i need to be more involved with them, have fun with them. hmmm maybe i just solved my own problem.

Sh** or get off the pot....

2007-09-22T18:55:00.001-07:00

is what i told my self i need to do as i walked down the stairs.

shirley finally got her necklace from school for knowing all her letters. now its time to move on to the sight words (also known as high frequency words). so i got her this work book to help her. well i didnt let her do it last year cuz i didnt think she was ready for it. and i havent started her on in this year because i dont have a routine down yet. what kind of crap is that, im asking myself.

im like that with alot of things. i didnt want to scrap book cuz i didnt have a big space to put all my stuff (ahh and i have not one creative bone in my body), i cant clean my kitchen cuz there are dishes in the sink, i cant clean the laundry room cuz chuys stuff is in there, i dont keep my kids room (or my house) clean cuz it will just get messy again. if it is perfect i wont start on anything. and who am i kidding? nothing is ever perfect! i just need to deal with it and get it over with. another thing i dont dont do is keep up with this blog thing cuz i cant write.

ever feel....

2007-07-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

like nothing is worth it? dont worry im not going to go crazy and kill my kids or myself. its just that i really feel like nothing is working out in my life. my fish are sick so whats the point of having them if i cant take care of them. my puppy is a pain in the butt, so whats the point of training her. my kids are not that bad but they sometimes frustrate me to the point of wanting to lock myself in my room (that is until they do something cute and melt my heart or they would destroy the entire house even worse then it is now!). my house is a disaster so whats the point of cleaning it if it is going to just look gross again 30 minutes later (one big thing is that the carpets are nasty...it must have been a man who decided to put beige carpets in a house the could house 5 people...what were they thinking!).

my husband doesnt love me (im sure of it). im sure he does in his own little way but it makes me feel like crap the way he treats me and sometimes doesnt give me the time of day. im sure it isnt easy for him to be underwater and have me writing him emails asking why he doesnt or me 'yelling' him for the way he is. but really what else can i do. that is the only time i know of that there might be a remote chance he is reading the emails (after the first one im sure he isnt). he doesnt talk to me any other time. i usually hear the stories from the boat or work when he is telling someone else about it. what is the point of having a marriage if we cant confide in each other or be able to turn to each other when we need a shoulder to cry on. instead of one making the other cry most of the time.

im not writing this so my sister will hate him more. i am just hoping writing it down will make the feelings of hurt go away...but i dont think it is working. he really is a good guy...to his friends and his kids. just not to me. the one person he should love because he choose to spend the rest of his life with. i have even given him plenty of outs. ive told him..if you dont want to be married just tell me so i can work on moving on. most of the time he says 'go then ..if you dont like being here just go' but of course i dont (i think maybe i should have sometimes). i guess i was just afraid of starting over agian. but mainly i love him and didnt want to be with out him.

my blubbering is over. thanks for listening.

lizzy and the toilet

2007-06-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

so i flush public toilets with my foot. and the other day while at a school play for my son my youngest had to go to the bathroom and she wanted to flush by herself. apparently she has seen me flush one too many times

2007-06-23T18:56:00.001-07:00

just wanted to tell you all that shirley hasnt peed in her pullup in three nights. she is so proud of herself as she should be. if she keeps it up maybe she wont have to wear them anymore.

now on to getting her to read! that is going to be rough on me. i get so easily frustrated with her. im sure it isnt her fault because her teacher says she is behind. shirley is going to repeat kindergarten. and her teacher now says that if there isnt great improvement by october then we should get her tested. i wish we could get it done now but i think it is too soon.

i am not so worried about her repeating kindergarten because she was born early. im not sure how early. she was born nov. 4, and if i believe amanda then she was born 6-8 weeks early. if that is the case then that would put her birthday anywhere from the middle of december to the begining of jan. so she would have missed the cut off date for school if she was born at the right time and would be starting next year anyway. sooo i hope it all works out.

2007-06-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

so i finally gave in. i went shopping at walmart today. i only bought what i needed...well sort of. i went in there for pullups. and came out with: i bought 2 pairs of jammas for liz. they were on clearance for $5 each. (not bad for carters brand..well carters for walmart) i also bought the girls each an outfit. i bought mike two shirts. one has a picture of a game controller and says "hand over the controler and nobody gets hurt" or something like that. the other one says "this is what perfect looks like". hes gonna love them. my kids are really greatful when someone buys them something. they will say over and over "thank you mommy" "i love this". they are really good kids. then i bought myself 3 new t-shirts. one is eeyore, one is tinkerbell (cant leave walmart with out buying a tinkerbell shirt!), and the other is gray and says navy going down one side of it and has the mascot of the navy football team (a ram).

i went in with 115 and spent only 75. a crap i forgot to get plastic spoons. crap i always do that. i am in the store and i cant remember what i need. the bad thing is i was trying to write a list last night and i could not remember what i needed. there was just one thing i couldnt remember and it turns out being plastic spoons. so i am going to have to back to a store. maybe i will just buy some at the nex minimart. ahh that could spell trouble though.

shopping

2007-06-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

for some reason i have this intense urge to go out and go shopping. maybe its because i have been on the computer since i dropped the kids off at school. maybe its because there is $140 in cash sitting next to me. or the fact that the check i bounced on the 30th of may has not gone back through and nobody really knows where it is so there is $185 sitting in the bank waiting to go to its new home and i need a carpet cleaner. maybe its just cuz i miss my husband and i am trying to compensate for the hole in my heart.

on the 13th i started taking wellbutrin. (for depression) as most of you might know i have stuggled with depression and anxeity most of my life. im not sure why, it sure isnt because i had a terrible living situation and my family was awful. there really is no reason except my brain is all screwed up. so anyway, i started taking this stuff last week and it has helped. i was on paxil for a long time and then i switched to prozac. coming off of paxil is hell! but that is for another day. arrgghh i keep getting off track, that happens alot for me. so im not sure if this stuff that i am on now is working very well. i feel better most of the time. but there are times when i want to cry over the littlest things. im not expecting medicine to make me feel better 100% of the time but to look at your sisters baby register and want to cry because i feel like i will never be able to do that is very hard. i hate feeling like a weak person. (see im almost gonna cry now). i want to be strong but i just dont know how to do it.

i want to be strong enough to not go out and spend money and run up our debt. i want to be able to take my kids to church and teach them right from wrong. i want to go out into the world and do things that i have never done before. i want to be able to stand up for myself and my family and not run away and hide. i want my husband and kids to be proud of me. i know are proud of me now (maybe not so much the husband cuz i never know how he feels...he doesnt show his emotions).

iahh i am getting tired and i need to post some pictures of michaels play so heather will leave me alone.lol

2007-06-18T15:18:00.000-07:00

i usually do a budget type thing on quicken for the next payday. i did it for the 1st, i will be paying off a $300 credit card with a shocking 30% interest rate (yep you read right) and with that we have about and we are paying my dad back $100 and then $30 in donations (we should be donating more but....). after that we have about 990 left depending on how much my husband gets for pay. i have put in that he is getting paid 1300 but usually we get closer to 1500. he just got a raise because he advanced (wahoo) so it will hopefully be more because of back pay for the month of june. i would like to pay off his $500 dollar card but we ran into a problem plus we have a pre-existing one. i found a 'tear' on our frint driverside tire. i think it is due to alot of wear. the pre-existing problem is that our alignment is WAY off, and it keeps getting worse. so i am going to get that stuff done before paying on his credit card. hopefully it lasts until the first but i might just take it in before then and put it on our firestone card and then pay that off on the 1st.

i just hope i pay it off, i have a tendency to just pay the minimum on the card i charge up and then send the cash. that is what got us here in the first place. we have alot of money coming in each month. my husband is a first class in the navy so we get about $1500 take home pay every two weeks and then on the first of the month we get about $1400 adoption money. so that is about 4400 dollars a month. you say might be saying "how can you be in debt with so much money coming in". i blame it all on my parents..well ok not really. but i learned all my spending habits from them. they would go out and buy the best things but they were inpatient so they wouldnt save the money but would put it on the card. sometimes after a while that item would sit unused. but having 5 kids most of it got used.

my husband and i are very spontaneous when it comes buying things, such as a truck, a big screen tv, a motorcycle. for some reason we cant save our money. and i tend to buy things we dont need, little stuff like movies, stupid stuff for the house, mainly things that i think we need (but of course we dont) or i think i am going to use but dont. so my goal with this blog is to work out my problems with spending. when i have an urge to run out and buy the latest 'in' thing i will try to come and write here and maybe it will help with the urges. maybe i can get to the root of my spending problems. i am also hoping that it will help me keep track of paying off our debt and be a reminder of how far we have come and how far we need to go.

2006-11-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

My cute kitty. She is the only animal left in the house...unless you count the hubby and the kids

2006-11-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

Mikes first lost tooth! I cant believe how big he is getting!

2006-11-05T10:46:00.000-08:00

My girls for halloween. They are so pretty!I couldnt get a picture of Michael by himself because he was to exctied to stay in the house. This is the first year he got to go trick or treating with a friend. We were out for 2 hours, they had so much fun! The other boy in the picture is Mikes friend Cameron. We went with him, his sister Chelsea and his mom.

2006-11-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is Michaels first football game. I think they tied. I didnt get to watch much of the game as i was to busy trying to take pictures and video (which i am not sure worked) for rick had duty that day. You might not be able to tell but the ref was super old! He was cute though. It takes a big man to go out and ref 5-7 year olds.

2006-11-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

My Husband it the silliest man ever. I love him to death! the first picture is his new toy. the second is him after the kids went trick-or-treating

the grossest thing ever

2006-09-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

so the grossest thing i can imagine is dog poop! i can change the nastiest poopy diaper but i really have a problem with dog doodoo. it must have something to do with the smell.

so what does my 2 year old dog do this morning as i am in the bath getting ready to relax before i wash my hair. he comes in and takes a big ole dump...right on my bathroom floor! now he isnt some small dog that i could just wipe it up...oh no he is a 70 pound pitbull/lab mix. so of course he leaves a bigt one! i tried to cover up the smell...i sprayed fabreeze (alot) and put a paper towel over my mouth and nose. yeah that didnt work at all! gross!!!! all while in my bathrobe...so needless to say i didnt get to take my shower this morning as i had to get breakfast for the kids and clean up that mess and get my self ready to take them to school... my mouth is nasty cuz i threw up in the middle of cleaning up...i didnt even have time to brush my teeth again cuz i didnt want the kids to be late.

gross is all i have left to say!

a long time

2006-09-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

i know i know...it has been a super long time since i have been on here. but the post my sisterhttp://longos3.blogspot.com/ did on her site inspired me to do a new post...or maybe its the fact that my husband just left with the youngest for the weekend and the older two are at school so i am by myself and bored.

my kids have been going to bed at 7(or later depending on what we were doing) this summer. but when school starts i put them to bed at 6. that is only for the first week people so dont freak out. they get so tired, especially shirley since she is no longer taking a nap. and with all the excitement of going to school i think it makes them more tired.

i see these kids around the neighborhood out until 8 every night and i wonder why their parents let them stay out that late. and they arent older kids they are in 2nd or 3rd grade. i remember when i was younger we were in bed early, even in the summer.

mike was reading a book last night and i could tell he was tired, we were reading a book called 'a bug, a bear, and a boy' so the word bug was on almost everypage. and in the middle of the book he forgot what the word bug was. he was messing up words and getting distacted...i know he is only 6 (beth) but this is a book he has read more then once and knows how to sound out words. i guess i just know when he is tired.

i guess that is all for now cuz my tummy is getting hungry.

2006-05-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.goaskmom.com/MomsToDo/
this has some good reading

Independence

2006-05-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

So this morning as I was driving down the freeway, after taking Shirley to her post-op appointment, I was thinking what I would say to my kids when they were starting to drive and this is what I came up with.

I would tell them it is ok to be afraid but don't let the fear take control of your life. I let it and it took over 11 years to get my license. (For those of you who know me fear has controlled a lot of me.) Having these kids has helped me a lot. It has forced me and made me want to do more things. I wish I had kids sooner! I guess it was just Gods way of teaching me to be patient and lean on him.